Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
