i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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