My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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