So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
