Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
