Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
