dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
