when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So squirting runs in the family.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
