Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
