i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
