I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
