I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
