made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
