Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
