im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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