dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
