I am spending my child support on dildos
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could fuck to npr.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
