we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
