I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
