I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
FUCK WHALES
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
