Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
