...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
