Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
