just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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