she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
