you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
