so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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