i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
