Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
