I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
