THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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