Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
