i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
