If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
