My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
