You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
