No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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