He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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