I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
