I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
