I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
