How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
