I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
