I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
