So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
