I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
