and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
