You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
