I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
