Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
